can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
