I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
