She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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