It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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