from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
