took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
