I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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