you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
