there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
