She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
