remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
