sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
