his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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