Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
did you just send me my own nude
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
