i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
