he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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