Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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