During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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