so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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