he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
