her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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