Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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