So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
