remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
