Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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