Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
