Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Randomize
