just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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