i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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