Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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