i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
