That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
