In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
