I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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