got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
