She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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