Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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