Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
