Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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