you have to choose: penises or morals?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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