just come out here and I will go home with you...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
