If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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