i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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