I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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