oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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