I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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