There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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