they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
