tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
