I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
