I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
