What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
