What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
