Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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