I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize