I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
