im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
