i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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