Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
