This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
