Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
