who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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