I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
