So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
