so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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