tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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