Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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