my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
