apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
