My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize