no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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