She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
